there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
