How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
wow bdsm is so cute
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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