woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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