Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
