You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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