i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
