so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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