Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
