Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
