she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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