And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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