Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
