Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just invented taco cereal.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I did not marry a roomba.
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