Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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