Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
