We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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