I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
