I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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