Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
