It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
