So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
