You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Enjoy the penises
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
