why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
