I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
