that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
