What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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