She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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