I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I believe in your delicious
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
