I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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