I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize