she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
