she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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