alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize