If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
