So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
