I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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