He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
