ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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