Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
