so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize