either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
