I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
