No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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