I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
