you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
