Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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