Just fell off a train. Bad.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
