You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
