Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
