i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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