so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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