I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
