I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
