Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
