i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
