that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
