I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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