I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I touched a dick in church today
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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