I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
