i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Alive.
So much puke
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
