Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
