I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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