This is not my ceiling
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
