I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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