She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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