I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
