Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
