Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i think i just lost a toe
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
